wrote the below entry while i was in office. where they aptly blocked blogger from using its cookies. heh
just another thought. on my way home. problems in life (mine at least) are caused by one thing, difference rather.
: the weight of my expectations and my life's inability to fulfill it. put in simpler terms. i think what im not. i expect what i dont deserve. guess i should just. revert back to what i am
to think i was actually thinking of top management, 6-digit a year paycheck when im 30. HA. dreams. hello world
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/26/science/26tier.html?th&emc=th
and we thought we were invincible. oh how the mighty have fallen
monday night i checked my mail, and to my horror, discover that LSE had rejected me. its not that i have never exp rejection before, but its the nature of such, which just leaves me pretty baffled (with my grades, getting rejected by a UK school. what more do i need. a better essay? reminds me of how MOE turned me down, closing my door to the world of teaching) i guess, barring some miracle, i am bound to stay in Singapore to do my undergrad degree, to join the rat race in the land i call home, because of the doors, one by one, being slammed in my face (indecision one of those, no doubt)
tough pill to swallow, no doubt. i had studied every bit for each one of those doors to be opened to me, and cruel as it maybe, but maybe it is His will, that i should remain as such, unless He chooses to lead otherwise. I will still apply for my scholarships (i'm trying to psyche myself up. hurh) and keep the uncertainty there, for i have no idea what it would feel like with months to go and knowing that i have NO OTHER OPTION but to head to SMU. while the A level results remain unreleased, the clock is still ticking, and the buzzer is about to sound already (after two and a half years)
i was surfing around nytimes.com this morning, when i chanced upon the above article, and if you would take time to read it, you would realize how bloody apt it is to me, and life in general.
1. you don't know or you don't appreciate what you're missing til you're losing it
2. you're always insecure about what you have at that time, even though its more then good enough
3. you never know when to let go, when there's seemingly a better opportunity somewhere else
4. you just toy around with ideas, til you run out of time. boo
work really gets to you at times, esp when you have nothing to do. (contrary to popular belief i don't really enjoy doing nothing=X, i mean since im HERE ALREADY) but yeah. thank God for squash, dimsumdollies, friends, buddies, ag, church, love, and such.:)
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